Shit I just wrote down

With a pen and paper. Like I'm rocking the goddamned middle ages.

So, I'm home sick. It happens a lot now. Hayfever gives me sinus problems. Sinus problems give me headaches. Headaches plus general depression mean I stay home and take sick leave (not that I should, I still get shit loads of work done. Plenty of my coworkers "work from home" rather than take sick leave, but I'm too ethical for that - sigh, that's a rant for another time).

But, really what happens is I start think about the future and what my goals are and yet another midlife crisis is formed. It's not an original first world problem, but I really hate the 9-5 grind. I would much rather work for myself or at least less.

Of course, I have a mortgage to pay, so it's never as easy as all the self help, "go do what you love" articles that show up daily on Medium seem to make out. (and to add to the "rant later" list, you only ever read the articles from the people who were sucessful changing their lives and careers. The vast iceberg of people who failed and had to go back to chaining themselves to a desk or decided to walk into the ocean is silent).

But a man can dream. The way I see it there's a continuum between where I am now and where I want to be.

Where I am now is full time work for a company. It's good work, I don't mind it, but it's boring and soul destroying. But it more than pays the bills.

Where I want to be is working for myself doing any and/or all of the following:

• writing - including novels, screenplays, short stories, esoteric nonsense like http://lettersofpurpose.com 
• gaming - it's my primary hobby
• twitch streaming/youtube - because why not? It might be the only way to make some cash from gaming and #writing is a thing on Twitch creative these days.
• Podcasts and other creative endeavours.

So, how to get there? I'm aware that making rare blog posts with vague plans is basically peak Arnold Rimmer, but it worked in the past. No really. I wanted to travel, work for myself/work in France a decade ago and, while it didn't last, I did actually achieve it all.

So, ideas, in no particular order:

• Keep the status quo, work full time and enact all these plans when my mortgage is paid off? Probably 10-15 years. ugh.
• Slowly add in some daily writing/streaming while paying off mortgage. Probably the best idea, but hardest. It's working full time plus working an extra 2-3 hours a day.
• Reduce my hours or go contract. Scary. I could probably wrangle working 3 days a week, which would still be enough to live off/pay some mortgage now and then, but long term the writing etc would need to bring in some money. I'm not keen on a future where I need to rely on income I don't know I'll ever get.

Gah, it all seems so impossible. But it's down in writing now, so at least that's something. Right?